Glossary

Marriage glossary

3CORD journey

A guided path of 7 to 40 days to work together on one specific area of marriage. Each day includes a short reflection, a guided conversation and a practice, and the day advances once both close it.

Agreed transparency

Agreed access to phone, location or calendar for a defined period with a review date, as part of rebuilding trust. It differs from surveillance in that it is mutually agreed, reciprocal, and has an end point.

See the full guide: Jealousy in marriage: when it is insecurity and when it is control →

Async Mode

A setting in the 3CORD app, on by default, that prevents moving to the next day until both spouses complete the current one. It can be turned off when one of them has no access to their phone.

Bids for connection

Small everyday gestures through which someone seeks a partner’s attention: a comment, a photo shown, a sigh. Connection is built more on whether the other responds to these than on big conversations.

See the full guide: Emotional distance in marriage: how to reconnect →

Consultation threshold

An agreed amount above which a purchase is discussed beforehand, the same for both and independent of who earns the income. Below it, each person decides without justifying.

See the full guide: Money fights in marriage: what is really underneath them →

Couples devotional

A short daily spiritual study two spouses do together, usually with a text, a reflection, an application and a prayer. It differs from an individual devotional in that it includes conversation between the two.

See the full guide: Christian marriage: what it means in practice, not in theory →

Couples therapy

A process led by a clinically trained professional to work on the relationship between two people. It usually starts with assessment sessions and does not consist of judging who is right.

See the full guide: Marriage crisis: what to do when the marriage is at its limit →

Emotional flooding

A state of physiological arousal during an argument: heart rate rises and the ability to listen and reason drops. At least a twenty-minute break is needed for it to subside, and arguing inside it produces no agreements.

See the full guide: Communication in marriage: how to talk without ending up fighting →

Emotional infidelity

A bond with a third person occupying a space of intimacy, confidence and priority that belonged to the marriage, even without physical contact. What defines it is not the type of contact but the secrecy and the diversion of the bond.

See the full guide: Infidelity: what to do next and how trust is rebuilt →

Financial abuse

A form of control in which one person restricts a partner’s access to money, financial information, or the ability to earn. It is not a household organization model: it is abuse.

See the full guide: Money fights in marriage: what is really underneath them →

Forgiveness and reconciliation

Forgiving is releasing the debt: a personal decision that can be made even if the relationship ends. Reconciling requires two people and conditions actually met. You can forgive without reconciling, but not reconcile without forgiving.

See the full guide: Forgiveness and reconciliation in marriage: what they are and how they differ →

Marriage crisis

A phase in which a couple’s conflict stops resolving on its own and starts producing daily damage, with major decisions on the table. It differs from a rough patch in that consequences such as separation have already been named.

See the full guide: Marriage crisis: what to do when the marriage is at its limit →

Marriage truce

A temporary agreement to stop hurting each other while deciding, with concrete rules: no separation talk for a set period, no arguing at night, and no irreversible decisions without telling the other. It does not imply reconciliation.

See the full guide: Marriage crisis: what to do when the marriage is at its limit →

Mental load

The invisible work of remembering, anticipating and deciding everything a household needs, distinct from executing tasks. It is the source of exhaustion that explains why splitting isolated errands does not help and splitting whole areas does.

See the full guide: Marriage and parenting: how to stay a couple while raising kids →

No contact

A complete and verifiable cutoff of the relationship with the third person after infidelity: ending it explicitly, blocking channels and changing whatever is needed if you share an environment. Without it, no rebuilding advances.

See the full guide: Infidelity: what to do next and how trust is rebuilt →

Pastoral counseling

Support offered from a faith community, centered on the spiritual and on personal accompaniment. It differs from couples therapy, which is a clinical process led by a mental health professional.

See the full guide: How to help a marriage in crisis without doing harm →

Perpetual problems

Couple disagreements with no solution because they arise from stable differences of personality or values. Around two thirds of conflicts are of this kind, and the goal is not to solve them but to discuss them without damage.

See the full guide: Marriage problems: how to identify the one you actually have →

Pursuer-withdrawer cycle

A pattern in which one person pursues and protests while the other shuts down and withdraws, each move triggering the other. It is the most frequent pattern in distressed couples and can be broken from one side alone.

See the full guide: Communication in marriage: how to talk without ending up fighting →

Repair attempt

Any gesture that stops an argument before it escalates: a sentence acknowledging the excess, a hand on the shoulder, a shared joke. It works when one person attempts it and the other accepts it, even while still being right.

See the full guide: Communication in marriage: how to talk without ending up fighting →

Responsive desire

A form of sexual desire that appears after closeness and stimulation rather than before. It is common in long relationships and explains why waiting to feel like it before approaching excludes many people.

See the full guide: Lack of intimacy in marriage: why it happens and how it comes back →

Unequally yoked

A phrase of biblical origin describing a marriage in which one spouse lives the Christian faith and the other does not share it. It describes a difference, not a disqualification of the marriage.

See the full guide: Unequally yoked marriage: when only one of you believes →

3CORD offers faith-based support and educational content. It is not therapy, clinical counseling, or medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.