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The two numbers that settle most money arguments

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Quick answer

Two figures settle most money conflicts: a consultation threshold, the same for both, above which a purchase gets discussed first; and an identical personal amount each spends without justifying anything. The second prevents the most arguments.

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Money arguments are almost never about the specific figure spent. They are about not having been consulted, or about having to justify everything.

These two numbers attack exactly that. The first defines what gets discussed. The second, the one most people skip, defines what never needs justifying.

The personal amount has to be identical for both, even when incomes are not. If it depends on who earns more, it stops being an agreement and becomes an allowance.

Fill it in together

Above this figure, a purchase gets discussed first. The same number for both. Better to start low: it is easier to raise it later than to lower it.

Identical for both. Spent without justifying, without explaining and without the other having an opinion. It removes the sense of asking permission.

What does not count against the threshold even when it exceeds it: groceries, fuel, medicine, school.

A money agreement with no review date breaks on its own when income changes. Set one.

All of this happens in your browser. Nothing is sent to any server and nothing is stored anywhere: when you close the page it is gone. That is why the result gets copied.

What to do with it

  • Try it for a month before debating whether the figures are right. They almost always get adjusted after the first month, not before.
  • If the urge to justify a personal purchase appears, that is exactly the purchase the agreement protects.
  • If one of you has no income of their own, the personal amount is identical anyway. It is the part that most changes how the household feels.

Frequently asked questions

What figure should the threshold be?

One that makes the conversation happen a few times a month, not daily and not once a year. If the threshold is so high it never triggers it is doing nothing; if it is so low you have to ask about coffee, it produces the resentment you were trying to avoid.

What if one earns much more?

The personal amount stays identical. That is precisely what makes it work: the moment it depends on who earns more, it stops being an agreement between equals and becomes an allowance, with everything that means in a home.

Does it work with separate accounts?

Yes. The agreement is not about where the money sits but about what gets discussed and what does not. It works the same with joint, separate or mixed accounts, which is the most common setup.

Is what I write here saved?

No. Everything happens in your browser and nothing is sent. Figures from your household do not travel to any server of ours or anyone else’s.

← Money fights in marriage: what is really underneath them

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